Jeff's fancy bio reads something like this: Born and raised in Charlotte. Graduated from University of Richmond and Emory University School of Law. Private practice in Atlanta for six years with focus in healthcare law. Returned to Charlotte in 1995 and worked with First Commerce Bank and later co-founded and became president of Consentsys, a healthcare information systems company. Avid boater, biker, backpacker, runner, and anything else that involves the outdoors.
His "real" bio would sound a bit more like this: Likes to ride his bike for freakish distances. Bizarre sense of humor including finding whimsy in all "Mother Harper" jokes from the antiquated television series, "The Carol Burnett Show". Has read more books than you. Believes shaving his legs makes him go faster. Likes shiny things.
Photo Courtesy of Glamour ShotsHere was my pitch to our Executive Taskmaster...
Jeff,
The idea is to have our readers, (this consists my mom, a few random relatives, my staff because I force them to, and some local paddlers who would never admit they read this,) have a better sense of who you are and what you do here. Thank you for your time.
And here is what became of it...
Harper: What makes you qualified to do what you do?
Wise: Awfully presumptuous to assume that I am qualified. However, I do consider my 10 years traveling with the Circus supporting the “World’s Hairiest Man” to be invaluable training in my current role as Executive Assistant to Jeff Shelton.
Harper: What is it exactly that you do?
Wise: I am assuming that this is a question my wife asked you to include and therefore I assert my 5th amendment rights and refuse to answer.
Harper: What in God’s green earth would motivate a man to shave his body?
Wise: Have you seen the “World’s Hairiest Man”?
Harper: What’s your resting pulse rate?
Wise: I generally am not concerned about what happens when I am resting. I do have extensive training logs that establish that my pulse rate when I am eating is 45 bpm. I have been called the most efficient eater ever recorded.
Harper: USNWC Paddling School…Great instruction program or Greatest instruction program?
Wise: Since I rarely attended any school of any kind, I would take my assessment with several grains of salt. Based on how smart and cool the director of the school is I would have to say, Greatest of All Time (now, can I have my car keys back).
Harper: Why are you scared of red-headed curly-haired women?
Wise: I had a real weird thing happen to me one year with the Circus when Bozo joined on for the West Coast Tour. Lets just say Bozo may not be who or what he claims in his promotional materials.
Harper: What are your future plans for the Center?
Wise: To dedicate all requested resources to the USNWC Paddling School and increase capital expenditures in that department by 100x (seriously, I need my cars keys back. I have a leg waxing appointment in an hour).
Harper: How do you see USNWC Kayak Operations being instrumental in the development of future Olympians as well as in the furtherance of the sport of kayaking?
Wise: Seeing how well we have done in the past in qualifying for the games (Exhibit A- Dave Hepp) and with qualifying folks for Beijing (Exhibit B- Crane and Cluck) maybe we should stick with developing messengers pigeons like Lil Ben. As far as kayaking in general I have noticed a vast leap forward in the development of the sport since I went into unofficial retirement. As soon as Sven Deal leaves the sport I think we will see another epochal moment in the development once again.
Harper: Which Olympic sport did you watch the most?
Wise: As if you needed to ask. Of course, men’s synchronized diving.
Harper: Other than hiring me, what has been your greatest moment in the process of starting and operating this company?
Wise: The $3 employee lunch today presenting the leftovers from the big event this weekend. Great BBQ.
So now you know. Take It Outside.
